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seen Jul 31 at 13:35

Jun
23
awarded  Commentator
Jun
23
comment Is the following sentence structure allowed in fiction?
About which one has more impact, I sure do agree with you. And anyway, the shorter version really is better. The longer version commands a slower pace and lacks the punch.
Jun
23
comment Is the following sentence structure allowed in fiction?
Given the context, I like it. :) I'd suggest referring to that conversation, but it's your call. Something like "Things would change. Benjamin was right. They would change from one state into another..." It just feels better that way because it weaves your purpose of writing the sentence into the sentence itself. And I think it's pretty cool.
Jun
23
comment Does the following piece have too much dry narration (mundane tasks, moving about)?
In reference to your edit, I think that your focus has now disappeared. In terms of coherence, your paragraphs almost have nothing to do with each other now.
Jun
23
comment Is the following sentence structure allowed in fiction?
I see your point, although I submit that redundancy is not bad, but situational. And I think that in a scene that seems to be as dramatic as this one, redundancy might help drive the point home?
Jun
23
answered Is the following sentence structure allowed in fiction?
Mar
28
revised Effective techniques for describing pain
added 165 characters in body
Mar
26
comment Effective techniques for describing pain
This is a brilliant answer. Adds a new dimension to it completely.
Mar
19
answered How to use parentheses
Mar
19
awarded  Teacher
Mar
19
comment Effective techniques for describing pain
This is good advice, but I think the examples of (a) and (b) are both equal. (b) is just a dragged on version of (a), and if anything, you don't want to drag anything on. It's non-value-adding. Metaphors are good, but most of the time a reader cant imagine a fire raging in their chest, or being a hundred feet under water. It's much better to point out things readers can relate to :)
Mar
19
revised Effective techniques for describing pain
added 292 characters in body
Mar
19
awarded  Supporter
Mar
19
comment How to tell or retell basic character and setting information in a series?
My personal preference is when it is embedded into the story. I agree there's a large and easy danger to making it clumsy, but done well, I think it makes the book much better than if you chose a summary and did the summary well.
Mar
19
comment Are there any contests for teenage writers?
I'd guess it's because the contest wants to promote the art of writing to individuals. I won a contest 2 years back that was college-students only, but that was a poetry contest. I dont have examples for a novel writing contest, but I'm sure there's bound to be some. The catch is they tend to be really obscure around the internet. Try asking your school for help
Mar
19
awarded  Editor
Mar
19
revised Effective techniques for describing pain
added 20 characters in body
Mar
19
answered Effective techniques for describing pain