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Jul
7
awarded  Critic
Jul
6
comment Does this sound like someone at the end of their conflict with emotions? Please help
See how much work it can be to write even a single sentence and do it well? :D ;)
Jul
6
comment Does this sound like someone at the end of their conflict with emotions? Please help
Yet you did change the syntax around "pertinacity," thus improving it. Think carefully about using a word with such an effete and outdated feel, but at least now it's not exactly wrong. And you've changed the syntax around "reject" to make it correct as well, so now let me be your demon once more. Don't "try to" reject; you ARE rejecting; unsuccessfully, yes, but saying "try to" merely robs the locution of power. And in exactly the same vein, just forget "seemed to." It's useless, nothing but hot air. And lastly, consider making the clauses parallel: "The more this, the more that."
Jul
6
comment Does this sound like someone at the end of their conflict with emotions? Please help
It does make a bit more sense now, but it is still off kilter. "Rejection" clearly indicates that you are not accepting something the demon is doing, but it is odd to use the word in this way. What are you rejecting? The demon's insults? His fireballs? His sword thrusts? His candy? Just exactly what? And "pertinacity" means persistence. Obviously you are trying to say the demon is sticking with the task of defeating you, but this isn't the way to say it. Pertinacity is not directed at a person. When you use a word, you must have a sense of the dynamics of how it is properly used.
Jul
6
comment Does this sound like someone at the end of their conflict with emotions? Please help
Shawn, I am flattered that you would ask. Thank you for the compliment. I love helping other writers, which is why I do teach writing classes whenever possible. But my schedule is extremely full, and I can't really take on any more. Let me really reassure you that the risk of your material being stolen is nil. Believe me, it's not going to happen. No writer of serious intent would steal from another writer, and any writer who would steal would not have the ability to take a small piece of your material and make it into anything like what you would write. If you want to show more, please do.
Jul
6
answered Complimenting on solid structure with no major flaws
Jul
6
answered Does this sound like someone at the end of their conflict with emotions? Please help
Jul
5
answered Opening a story with a reference to what someone just said followed by a setting description
Jul
5
answered Roadblocks in my story: The Gladys Tribe
Jul
3
comment Variation in paragraph length
@LaurenIpsum Your comments are always intelligent, informative, and consoling. You didn't even harpoon me for missing the hyphen in the whale. ;)
Jul
3
comment Variation in paragraph length
@LaurenIpsum I'm quite certain I would be a fan, because this clearly implies you recommend it, and I greatly respect your recommendations, but (it pains me to admit) I don't even know what it is. Dual pain here, from the embarrassment of not having read it, and the embarrassment of not knowing what it is. (In the case of Moby Dick, at least I have to endure only one of those pains.)
Jul
2
comment Variation in paragraph length
+1, L.I. S&S. ;)
Jul
2
answered Variation in paragraph length
Jul
2
comment Variation in paragraph length
+1, T. Right on the money, as always.
Jul
2
comment Does the country matter in a story if it is set in a real one?
@MichaelKjörling Good point. Often no specification is needed.
Jul
1
comment Does the country matter in a story if it is set in a real one?
+1 Jay. I particularly like your observation about which settings American writers choose for adventure versus crime stories. Very perceptive.
Jul
1
comment Does the country matter in a story if it is set in a real one?
Absolutely correct, @Tannalein, which is why I emphasized the setting is CRUCIAL to Dr. Z.
Jul
1
answered Why can't I write something longer than a few pages?
Jul
1
revised Does the country matter in a story if it is set in a real one?
fixed a missing comma; expanding my main point
Jul
1
revised Does the country matter in a story if it is set in a real one?
fixed a missing comma