134 reputation
5
bio website
location
age
visits member for 3 years, 1 month
seen Apr 7 '12 at 21:28

Mar
3
comment Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion?
Thanks for the update 1, and sorry for the late late reply. I have been very busy with other parts of the application process. I reviewed your feedback for the last paragraph and it really made me think a lot to the extent that I added a new conclusion to my essay -- I included the latest iteration in the question. jwpat7, if you have some time available, I would greatly appreciate if you could let me know your opinion about this new conclusion. Thanks ;-)
Feb
27
comment How can I make this essay more succinct?
@J.R. I agree with you. Thank you for the observation.
Feb
27
comment How can I make this essay more succinct?
@J.R. Thanks for the observations, they were really useful -- and the reference looks quite cool too. About point 1), I included it because I wanted to frame the essay. I have had feedback that recommending that, for this kind of essays, it is good to frame it from the very beginning, what do you think?
Jan
5
comment How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
very very interesting. I just clarified a huge typo that I always have. I just read that it is the same with yet. Thanks.
Jan
5
comment How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
I agree with you. Maybe next time I break apart my essay in more fine-grained points. Thanks.
Jan
5
comment How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
@justkt: Thank you for the observation, but isn't it common to modify already established answers? In my understanding that is the point of a wiki forum, that it can continuously improve the already answered questions. Best ;-)
Jan
5
comment How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
Thank you again for the observations. I update them. I am just wondering why is it "...short-term comfort, so I decided... ". It seems to me that there are two well defined clauses that should be separated by a semi-colon. Isn't this right?
Jan
4
comment How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
Thanks for getting back so quickly, I modified the paragraphs -- specially the first one I modified it considerably. If possible, I would greatly appreciate your feedback. Also, I included the other paragraphs so people that look at the essay can get a better idea of the changes that were done. Thanks
Jan
3
comment How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
Lauren thank you for your reply, and happy new year. I went through your changes, and I found them really helpful. I just have a couple of observations that I would like to see if you could help me clarify. 1) I feel there is a break in the 1st paragraph between these two sentences "... was in a precarious state. I had a limited perspective on the situation, but I knew that my My student ..." what do you think? 2) Instead of "While ...... main priority." what about So, I decided to forgo the opportunity. does that sound correct? Thanks
Nov
29
comment Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion?
Your feedback is great. I was just wondering if you have any comments in the last paragraph in my essay?
Nov
25
comment Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion?
Sound good to me.
Nov
25
comment Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion?
Does not sounds to broken into parts?
Nov
25
comment Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion?
I tried to do a parallel structure. do you have anything in mind on how to break it into parts?
Nov
25
comment Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion?
Thanks for the initial observations. I was just wondering which sentences draw most of your attention about being to long winded.
Nov
25
comment Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion?
@justkt. Thanks for the edition. It fits better the guidelines of the forum.
Nov
3
comment Paragraph flow, verb inversion and last sentence tone
Lisa, thank you so much for your answer. It is truly fantastic. I have edited my question to include the new structure in case someone wants to check a newer version.