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| bio | website | |
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| age | ||
| visits | member for | 1 year, 7 months |
| seen | Apr 7 '12 at 21:28 | |
| stats | profile views | 4 |
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Mar 3 |
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Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion? Thanks for the update 1, and sorry for the late late reply. I have been very busy with other parts of the application process. I reviewed your feedback for the last paragraph and it really made me think a lot to the extent that I added a new conclusion to my essay -- I included the latest iteration in the question. jwpat7, if you have some time available, I would greatly appreciate if you could let me know your opinion about this new conclusion. Thanks ;-) |
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Feb 27 |
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How can I make this essay more succinct? @J.R. I agree with you. Thank you for the observation. |
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Feb 27 |
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How can I make this essay more succinct? @J.R. Thanks for the observations, they were really useful -- and the reference looks quite cool too. About point 1), I included it because I wanted to frame the essay. I have had feedback that recommending that, for this kind of essays, it is good to frame it from the very beginning, what do you think? |
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Jan 5 |
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How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay? very very interesting. I just clarified a huge typo that I always have. I just read that it is the same with yet. Thanks. |
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Jan 5 |
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How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay? I agree with you. Maybe next time I break apart my essay in more fine-grained points. Thanks. |
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Jan 5 |
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How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay? @justkt: Thank you for the observation, but isn't it common to modify already established answers? In my understanding that is the point of a wiki forum, that it can continuously improve the already answered questions. Best ;-) |
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Jan 5 |
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How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay? Thank you again for the observations. I update them. I am just wondering why is it "...short-term comfort, so I decided... ". It seems to me that there are two well defined clauses that should be separated by a semi-colon. Isn't this right? |
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Jan 4 |
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How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay? Thanks for getting back so quickly, I modified the paragraphs -- specially the first one I modified it considerably. If possible, I would greatly appreciate your feedback. Also, I included the other paragraphs so people that look at the essay can get a better idea of the changes that were done. Thanks |
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Jan 3 |
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How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay? Lauren thank you for your reply, and happy new year. I went through your changes, and I found them really helpful. I just have a couple of observations that I would like to see if you could help me clarify. 1) I feel there is a break in the 1st paragraph between these two sentences "... was in a precarious state. I had a limited perspective on the situation, but I knew that my My student ..." what do you think? 2) Instead of "While ...... main priority." what about So, I decided to forgo the opportunity. does that sound correct? Thanks |
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Nov 29 |
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Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion? Your feedback is great. I was just wondering if you have any comments in the last paragraph in my essay? |
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Nov 25 |
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Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion? Sound good to me. |
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Nov 25 |
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Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion? Does not sounds to broken into parts? |
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Nov 25 |
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Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion? I tried to do a parallel structure. do you have anything in mind on how to break it into parts? |
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Nov 25 |
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Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion? Thanks for the initial observations. I was just wondering which sentences draw most of your attention about being to long winded. |
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Nov 25 |
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Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion? @justkt. Thanks for the edition. It fits better the guidelines of the forum. |
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Nov 3 |
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Paragraph flow, verb inversion and last sentence tone Lisa, thank you so much for your answer. It is truly fantastic. I have edited my question to include the new structure in case someone wants to check a newer version. |
