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visits member for 2 years, 11 months
seen Apr 7 '12 at 21:28

Mar
3
revised Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion?
deleted 55 characters in body
Mar
3
accepted Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion?
Mar
3
comment Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion?
Thanks for the update 1, and sorry for the late late reply. I have been very busy with other parts of the application process. I reviewed your feedback for the last paragraph and it really made me think a lot to the extent that I added a new conclusion to my essay -- I included the latest iteration in the question. jwpat7, if you have some time available, I would greatly appreciate if you could let me know your opinion about this new conclusion. Thanks ;-)
Mar
3
revised Does this essay demonstrate flow, clarity, and passion?
New iteration after considering some of the comments
Feb
27
accepted How can I make this essay more succinct?
Feb
27
comment How can I make this essay more succinct?
@J.R. I agree with you. Thank you for the observation.
Feb
27
comment How can I make this essay more succinct?
@J.R. Thanks for the observations, they were really useful -- and the reference looks quite cool too. About point 1), I included it because I wanted to frame the essay. I have had feedback that recommending that, for this kind of essays, it is good to frame it from the very beginning, what do you think?
Feb
26
revised How can I make this essay more succinct?
edited title
Feb
25
asked How can I make this essay more succinct?
Jan
5
comment How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
very very interesting. I just clarified a huge typo that I always have. I just read that it is the same with yet. Thanks.
Jan
5
comment How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
I agree with you. Maybe next time I break apart my essay in more fine-grained points. Thanks.
Jan
5
comment How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
@justkt: Thank you for the observation, but isn't it common to modify already established answers? In my understanding that is the point of a wiki forum, that it can continuously improve the already answered questions. Best ;-)
Jan
5
awarded  Commentator
Jan
5
comment How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
Thank you again for the observations. I update them. I am just wondering why is it "...short-term comfort, so I decided... ". It seems to me that there are two well defined clauses that should be separated by a semi-colon. Isn't this right?
Jan
5
revised How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
edited body
Jan
4
accepted How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
Jan
4
comment How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
Thanks for getting back so quickly, I modified the paragraphs -- specially the first one I modified it considerably. If possible, I would greatly appreciate your feedback. Also, I included the other paragraphs so people that look at the essay can get a better idea of the changes that were done. Thanks
Jan
4
revised How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
added 1765 characters in body
Jan
3
comment How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
Lauren thank you for your reply, and happy new year. I went through your changes, and I found them really helpful. I just have a couple of observations that I would like to see if you could help me clarify. 1) I feel there is a break in the 1st paragraph between these two sentences "... was in a precarious state. I had a limited perspective on the situation, but I knew that my My student ..." what do you think? 2) Instead of "While ...... main priority." what about So, I decided to forgo the opportunity. does that sound correct? Thanks
Dec
15
revised How to further improve the flow and crispness in the essay?
edited title