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bio website cloudedmemories.com
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visits member for 3 years, 3 months
seen Sep 2 at 11:44

Those who can, do. Those who can't, write.


Sep
30
awarded  Explainer
Sep
24
awarded  Autobiographer
Aug
15
awarded  Notable Question
Aug
4
awarded  Yearling
Jul
5
awarded  Custodian
Jul
5
reviewed Leave Open Is it possible for an author's first book to be popular?
Jun
30
answered Science and fantasy + arcanepunk
Jun
13
answered Craft group exercises or chapters in critique groups?
May
28
awarded  Custodian
May
28
reviewed Reviewed Are there more character alignment grids (like D&D)
May
28
reviewed Leave Closed Does a writing medium exist which preserves reading order but also allows commenting and editing?
Feb
9
awarded  Notable Question
Oct
6
comment Am I adding too many unnecessary “actions/descriptions”?
Yep, that's what I meant. For example: "Though Eri had always seen the subway in a different way." It's an odd kind of fragment, crying out for a preceding clause. I'd either put something at the start or rephrase it. Having many themes is fine, but I feel that for short stories, you need to distill the theme down to single line that you want the reader to go away with, and build it out from there. In your case, the inciting incident is that the girl fails to feel the earthquake, but how does that link with your themes? Is there an underlying guilt that they're built from, for example?
Oct
6
comment Am I adding too many unnecessary “actions/descriptions”?
I just wanted to say that normally, I don't bother giving line-by-lines here, but I've seen your questions around and have been inspired by how you're truly trying to improve your craft. ;)
Oct
6
answered Am I adding too many unnecessary “actions/descriptions”?
Oct
6
comment How to depict Australian characters
I'd recommend something like "The Footy Show" if you want to hear /really/ heavily-accented talk. It's a panel of real blokey-blokes talking footy - doesn't get more Aussie than that!
Sep
9
answered Changing narrators
Aug
19
comment How to make a intellectually disabled character believable?
I'd highly recommend The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. It's told from the perspective of a fifteen year old boy with Asperger's, and the focus isn't on his struggle with the impairment; simply how he deals with the world.
Aug
4
awarded  Yearling
Jun
26
answered Using “his/her” vs using “the” to refer to objects in the character's home