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  • 7 votes cast
Nov
30
awarded  Popular Question
Oct
15
awarded  Editor
Dec
12
comment Can this statement be simplified, and is it effective?
Thanks for your feedback. I would upvote but I don't have enough reputation. You've made some valid points. I am struggling with the part about removing 'I'. It makes it feel impersonal. "And use words just learnt yesterday" - who has done the learning? "For I have thought" vs "have been of the thought": I wanted to say that I have been under a false state of mind, not just thought, but that my whole consciousness has been subsumed by this thought. Lastly, alight could mean "to settle", and I therefore settled from say one place to another. I feel this can be correct, no?
Dec
11
comment Can this statement be simplified, and is it effective?
@LaurenIpsum hey Lauren, I've simplified my question and reduced it to 1 primary question, and a second general request for overall opinion.
Dec
11
revised Can this statement be simplified, and is it effective?
deleted 773 characters in body
Dec
11
asked Can this statement be simplified, and is it effective?
Mar
15
awarded  Student
Mar
14
awarded  Supporter
Mar
14
comment Can my paragraph use better adjectives and descriptions?
Why verbs over adjectives? Gives it more life?
Mar
14
asked Can my paragraph use better adjectives and descriptions?
Mar
14
awarded  Autobiographer