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visits member for 3 years, 5 months
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Aug
12
comment Does the following opening grip you?
Thanks for the feedback. I'm not sure what genre I write. The only thing I know is that I live in constant horror that someone will classify my work as YA (OK, it isn't that bad. The Fault in Our Stars was pretty good).
Aug
8
comment When does repetition start becoming tedious (especially metaphors)?
@One Monkey Ha, I think this is a matter of style. I find the metaphor versions too exaggerated...what's the word...hyperbolic? (I think this is the main difference between Western and Eastern literature). The third example is pretty good, though. Thanks for the suggestions.
Jul
31
comment Should I change POVs in the following case?
I see. I'll think of something. Thanks anyway.
Jul
31
comment Is it unnecessary to mention that there is a silence in the following cases?
Oh, a typo. 'They.'
Jul
31
comment Should I change POVs in the following case?
Thanks. But my question was whether the narration would be more compelling if I used the POV of the second main character instead of just "describing" the video with the POV of the first one.
Jul
12
comment Pros and cons of using real brand/company names?
@Lauren Ipsum I see, thanks for the answer. I'm asking this because I was having troubles describing Facebook. Should I just say, "She checked her social network's posts?"
Jun
5
comment Delaying narrative/actions
Ha, meant a sharp curve.
Jun
5
comment Am I using too many adjectives/adverbs in the following piece?
Wow, thanks a lot. If you wrote a book about flow/sentence structure, I'd definitely buy it.
May
22
comment 3 short stories that can be turned into a novel. Should I pick the one with best reviews?
Thanks for the answer. Could you tell me what's the problem with the commas so I can fix them in the next revision?
May
18
comment 3 short stories that can be turned into a novel. Should I pick the one with best reviews?
Yes, I'm passionate about all of them.
May
16
comment 3 short stories that can be turned into a novel. Should I pick the one with best reviews?
Thanks. I agree with your points. The thing is, I wrote all those stories for myself and all of them are expandable (I gave it a lot of thought and I concluded that they do end too soon). I think. I won't be 100% sure until I actually do it.
May
15
comment Is it OK to have two different POVs in a same paragraph (third-person omniscient narrator)?
@Lauren Ipsum Thanks a lot.
May
15
comment Is it OK to have two different POVs in a same paragraph (third-person omniscient narrator)?
@Lauren Ipsum Thanks for the suggestions. I'm curious, what kind of changes would you suggest to make it clear that the passage's still in Kuo's thoughts?
Apr
25
comment Listing items in fiction
Thanks. Wow, seems like you've written papers on the subject before.
Apr
5
comment Should I make the gender of the narrator more obvious?
@Pravesh Parekh Yes, thanks. Corrected.
Feb
25
comment “Where did X go?” vs “where had X gone.”
Thanks for your feedback. How about the passage in the EDIT?
Feb
25
comment “Where did X go?” vs “where had X gone.”
Thanks, I incorporated your edits. How about the passage in the EDIT?
Feb
19
comment Is the following repetition unnecessary?
Oh, that was a typo. Thanks for noticing.
Feb
11
comment Is the following passage confusing?
@Neil Fein♦ I can post it here as a comment once I finish it. Or should I use the chat instead?
Feb
9
comment Is the following passage confusing?
@NeilFein OK, I updated. Ha, but I think the surround text doesn't add much for clarity. I explained the context a bit.