New answers tagged word-choice
In looking at your excerpts, and granting for translation, I think the problem is that you start well and then add too much. You don't have to give all the details at once. If this is a person we never see again, secondary details don't matter; if your protagonist is interacting with the character, then there's time later in the scene to add more detail. ...
In addition to Mike C. Ford's excellent suggestions, there is a secret technique, misunderstood but effective, known to all professional writers but divulged to few outsiders… Don't show, tell. "The city was founded by people from all over the world. Generations had gone by, but not so many that its people all looked the same." Job done!
There are a number of solutions that I have for this, as I suffered from the same problem: Only describe what you need to Imagine trying to describe James Bond to someone. You could say that he is handsome, looks good in a suit, and has an athletic build. This could be enough to get a good image in the reader's head, and could describe any of the actors ...
Maybe this will work. Approximately 70% of small businesses in the United States struggle to hire qualified employees. Almost 50% of those small businesses cite lack of skills of potential employees as the reason jobs go unfilled. Filling those jobs with appropriately trained candidates is our focus.
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