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4

Internal thoughts are usually expressed either by italics or by quotation marks. If you don't want to use any special formatting and you’re writing in third person, you can just tell the reader what your characters are thinking. You have to be extra careful to make it clear that these are the character's thoughts and not the narrator's voice forgetting his ...


3

You've written the thoughts themselves very well. When I read those, I feel as if I'm in her head. What pops me out of the viewpoint are the places where you tell us that she's thinking: Her mind immediately flooded with panicked thoughts. She realized... These are not her thoughts in the moment. They are some narrator's commentary on what's ...


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No special formatting or quotation marks or even textual cues are necessary. Just write the thoughts. It's done this way all the time. I picked a book at random at Amazon (The Noise of Time, by Julian Barnes) and flipped through until I found an instance of a character thinking. The overnight case resting against his calf reminded him of the time he ...


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A simple way is to differentiate the narrative voice. Your narration should be clean, standard, grammatically correct prose, while these narrated thoughts can sound a bit choppier and more like speech. (Separately, this is much harder to do if your book is in the present tense, so I'm shifting it to past for now.) Leeanna had been taken to an unknown ...


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Your original example is good deep POV. Deep third-person POV is nearly as intimate as first-person POV. The one case where you will have to resort to italics is if the thought is in first person, which you may need to do infrequently. The italics are needed to show the reader you really meant the momentary shift in person.


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I am in the odd position of thinking that the sample texts in the answers given by Dale Hartley Emery and Thanasis Karavasilis both read well despite the fact that in terms of the advice given they directly contradict each other. And I thought that your original formulation was fine - in fact I liked it best of the three. DHE is advising you to consistently ...



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