Hot answers tagged style
Text in all capitals is harder to read than text in mixed case: A 1955 study by Miles Tinker showed that “all-capital text retarded speed of reading from 9.5 to 19.0 per cent for the 5 and 10-minute time limits, and 13.9 per cent for the whole 20-minute period.” Tinker concluded that, “Obviously, all-capital printing slows reading to a marked degree in ...
I'd be fine with all caps here. It's emphatic in a different way than italics. To me I hear the volume and force behind the word, not just the intensity. Compare: His breathing quickened. "Damn it!" His breathing quickened. "DAMN it!" The first one could be under his breath — vehement, but not necessarily meant to be heard. The second ...
Make them a list of sentence fragments. Poetic license. They sound better, and it helps each thought stand distinctly.The run-on is a little exhausting to the ear. The green pieces of paper folded up in your pocket. The balance in your checking account. Your mortgage. That time you paid for dinner with your friend and she said that the next time is on ...
I think you're exactly right, as using "we will" might seem excessively formal even for non-fiction, but you've avoided "it's" which, apart from the informality, increases the chance that somewhere one instance will lose it's comma, or one will sneak into the possessive as in the example a few words ago.
You might consider creating more topography in this seemingly parallel list. The green pieces of paper are of course seen as money. They are the money. Calling attention to the obvious will help you make your point when you can connect the rest with a conjunction like but or however. This will improve the contrast of the clear example to the other items.
Not sure about the audiobook, but the paperback for the first novel in the series (which the recent movie is based on) is in third-person limited. This is when the narrator tells the story only from the perspective of what the main character (in this case, Ender) can observe and think, but unlike first-person, we also observe the main character through the ...
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