New answers tagged structure
For me, your sentence it is perfectly understandable. I don't feel it's weird when I read it.
You might consider creating more topography in this seemingly parallel list. The green pieces of paper are of course seen as money. They are the money. Calling attention to the obvious will help you make your point when you can connect the rest with a conjunction like but or however. This will improve the contrast of the clear example to the other items.
Make them a list of sentence fragments. Poetic license. They sound better, and it helps each thought stand distinctly.The run-on is a little exhausting to the ear. The green pieces of paper folded up in your pocket. The balance in your checking account. Your mortgage. That time you paid for dinner with your friend and she said that the next time is on ...
You can do that. You'll need to separate the relived scene typographically, perhaps by placing it in italics and possibly by setting it off with line breaks from the rest of the text. If a lengthy scene, perhaps it will be its own chapter with the place/time indicated in bold beneath the chapter's heading. At the same time, I'd urge against shifting the ...
I would share the insight where relevant. It's no fun to leave all of the good stuff at the end. In my experience, writing is a journey, and we need to be privy to all aspects of it. This includes the vital balancing act between flow and insanity inside the character's head.
I don’t think there is an archetypal “Guardian’s Journey” in the same sense that there is a Campbellian “Hero’s Journey”. Your Guardian character can be a static force in the story, or could learn from his/her experience guiding the Hero to be an even better Guardian (Gandalf), or become disillusioned about the whole Guardian role (Saruman), or... whatever ...
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