New answers tagged metaphor
Hi: I laid out my notes to you per sentence from your revised paragraph. Opening the plastic container made me feel as though I were unlocking a treasure chest. I peeked inside to admired its content. To strengthen the connection between the object (container) and its symbol (chest), strip away as many mediating words as possible. "made me feel as though ...
The number of treasure-similies seems over-the-top to me, the prose equivalent of a scene from Tampopo. Maybe I would appreciate them better in the context of the rest of the story, or maybe I would appreciate them better if I liked sushi. :-) Your second version is definitely wrong. More verbs needed.
Oy. Chop, chop, chop. You establish the metaphor of the treasure chest, so you can just declare that A=B without the transitions. The plastic container was a treasure chest of food. I peeked inside to admire its content. Under the store's lamp, the tiny eggs glistened like pearls. The red, white, and orange fish slices were edible jewels, the omelet ...
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