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The writing of this passage depends on what you intend to underline; is the character under a lot of stress or would he rather describe the scene factually, as though detached from what he's experiencing ? If the scene intends to underline the horror of the moment, stick as closely as you can to what the character might be thinking/feeling at the time; at ...


I often describe the reaction to the pain and the action causing the pain more than the pain itself. You can say that it's agony, anguish, a tribulation, but it won't have an impact unless you focus specifically on what causes it. Focus on the sound of the words. Surge, gouge, sear, smolder, snap, plunge, slice, saw, splatter. I would also use thrust, but ...

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