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8

Your title, first sentence, paragraph, page, and chapter are your hooks to catch the reader. Make sure they are baited well. So, if you start with internal monologue, it had better be interesting, not just bland, random thoughts about how it's high up on the wherever. I realize that was just an example, but compare: Bad: "It's so high up here," thought ...


6

There's no reason why it couldn't work, as long as you quickly make clear that it's internal dialogue. If it's a first-person narrative, the entire story is "internal dialogue," in a sense. The main benefit is to give the reader immediate access to the character's inner life, which may help us identify with him/her/it/them. The only real con I could see ...


5

This depends in part on how recognizable the landmark is to readers. On the one hand, if your scene is set in Times Square, it's hard to change anything -- enough people know the place that if you do, it'll just draw attention to your changes (which may be distracting). On the other hand, if your scene is set in Joe's House of Gourmet Eggplant in some ...


2

(This is better now that it's been edited...) It may sound odd, but I think the main criterion is how the story treats death. If death is one possible threat among many (being captured, being tortured, the macguffin falling to the enemy, blackmail, heartbreak, public exposure, humiliation, political scandal, strategic losses, military losses, code being ...


1

Depends what you think is childish. Is picturing random people naked, childish? I dont know! I didn't immediately get the childish impression, maybe teenage, and I say that because of how the sentences are structured. The short and abrupt sentences like these remind me of teenagers for some reason or another. Maybe it's the start and stop nature of it. ...



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