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8

Your title, first sentence, paragraph, page, and chapter are your hooks to catch the reader. Make sure they are baited well. So, if you start with internal monologue, it had better be interesting, not just bland, random thoughts about how it's high up on the wherever. I realize that was just an example, but compare: Bad: "It's so high up here," thought ...


6

There's no reason why it couldn't work, as long as you quickly make clear that it's internal dialogue. If it's a first-person narrative, the entire story is "internal dialogue," in a sense. The main benefit is to give the reader immediate access to the character's inner life, which may help us identify with him/her/it/them. The only real con I could see ...


2

Splitting up the sentences didn't alter the rhythm substantially. However, it did alter the meaning, in the sense that it sounds as if you are trying to emphasize that there were no trees and only bushes. Using very short sentence fragments can alter rhythm, but it does this by adding emphasis to elements. Within your. Writing. I don't think that was your ...


2

Create an ebook and distribute it through Amazon's Kindle Direct Publishing (or other ebook selling platforms) for $0. Note: Amazon KDP allows to give away your book for free for some limited time, after that you have to sell it for at least $0.99. But you can publish it for free elsewhere, and since Amazon always wants to have the cheapes prices, once ...


2

Lists tend to give a more dispassionate sense, and so may be less appropriate in fiction. Your example might be rephrased as something like: His flower-patterned shirt brightened his otherwise drab knit cap and faded jeans. or His knit cap and faded jeans denied the spring cheer declared by his flower-patterned shirt. or even a more neutral ...


1

I agree. The questions don't detract here. It builds some suspense in your writing, so I like them. It makes the character seem very unsure of his situation, too, which fits with the story. If you wanted to leave them out, you can just narrate what he's thinking. You might want to do this later, so I will give some examples how to do it. He put down ...


1

Sentence length is pacing, and a component of rhythm, and sets up subtle expectations, whether for more of the same or something different. After three long sentences, a short and simply declarative one produces a certain affect, and feels good, rhythmically. But breaking the pattern and changing the rhythm also changes the emphasis, and (as I hear it) gives ...


1

Depends what you think is childish. Is picturing random people naked, childish? I dont know! I didn't immediately get the childish impression, maybe teenage, and I say that because of how the sentences are structured. The short and abrupt sentences like these remind me of teenagers for some reason or another. Maybe it's the start and stop nature of it. ...



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