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1

While through your description i assume your story is a serious one, i think your best point of reference would come from comedy. It is a common trope in comedy, specially british comedy, to have characters who don't like anyone else, or that aren't particularly interested in anyone else. Like for example Jim, from Yahtzee Croshaw comedy novel "Mogworld". "...


7

Consider writing the local character's story as a separate scene (and perhaps a separate chapter), with clear transitions between the two timeframes: "So, how did you end up here?" Hero said. "Make yourself comfortable, youngster," Local Character said. "This is going to take a while." # <scene break> It was 1953, and my mother had just ...


0

The choice of "mom" or "mother" or some other word helps to characterize the narrator. They differ in formality, and perhaps other attributes. This offers an interesting opportunity: Your character's choice of words could indicate something about her mood or her attitude toward her mother at each particular moment in the story. Similar to how a parent's ...


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I feel they are similar enough that they could be used interchangeably, as long as it's not too frequently. Also, consider the personality of your characters, and the scenes that they interact in, and their upbringing. Growing up, because of my families Southern Appalachian heritage, I generally tended to call my Mother Momma. Growing up in the mixing pot ...


1

Addressing characters in dialogue: Anything goes. I usually call my mum 'mum', but I might call her 'mother' to be mock-serious. 'Queen of the Muffins'? Sure, if in the middle of some exchange it makes sense for me to call her that, as a joke, as an insult, whatever — you can put it in my dialogue. Addressing characters in the narrative: Orson Scott Card!...


3

"Mom" and "mother" and the other variations are all common enough that alternating between them probably won't be disruptive. On the other hand, they are different, with nuances of formality and attitude - so if you're alternating between all of them, with great frequency, like you do in this sample - then yes, it does start to feel a little weird. I think ...


0

As a general rule, dialogue is not bound by the rules of grammar as tightly as the rest of the novel. Therefore, if a person says something a certain way, you write it that way. As far as your example goes, there is no right or wrong way to refer to Quorraline's mother in dialogue. If Quorraline refers to her both as 'mother' and 'mom,' then her dialogue ...


1

It doesn't matter how much dialogue you have. If your story (the narration) is in present tense, then all the verbs have to be in present tense. All the dialogue tags, all the narration, everything. The only exception is if you're talking about something which happened in the past relative to the present moment of the story. [Bolding is for emphasis, not ...


0

Avoid the tags and you avoid the problem. I swallow and look at Mac. He looks back at me, just as frightened. "Tell me the truth, should I be scared?" I hesitate. "I don't know." Most readers will assume that any un-tagged quote came from the most recently mentioned character. Even when the speaker is unclear, most readers are willing ...


0

Those "said" tags are not really meant to be read and parsed. They're meant to be nearly invisible, just keeping the reader oriented about who's speaking. Descriptive ones make the reader pause a bit and understand the tag when they're just trying to read the dialog. So avoid non-"said" tags when possible. (And avoid using "said" with an adjective at all ...


2

In school, lots of us were taught to avoid 'said'. This is really terrible advice. In modern writing, you should definitely not look for fancy alternatives to 'said'. 'Said' is simple, effective, and does its job without distracting from your story. There's a good article on TV Tropes which explains more. The best tip I have is to write dialogue that ...


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Well, to format and describe dialogue are two different topics, but on describing dialogue - as in choosing whether to use "said" or another word, or adding a description to that, it's mostly about how you imagine it being said. For example: Sally said, "Don't make me go to school today." That's dialogue on a very basic level. It doesn't portray any ...


1

I like to do in person research. In my experience I've had many people more than happy to let me use them as the basis for a character, or learn terms I need to know. Try hanging out at the emergency room entrance, or visiting a burn ward, and asking the patients about their treatment. A lot of my soldier jargon I get from my friends and family who are ...


2

First thing of emergency treatment is vital signs and airway--blood pressure, heart rate, respirations, and pulse oxygenation of the blood. Burning gasoline will produce volatile vapors which will also cause inhalation injury to the laryngeal and pulmonary mucosa. A pulse ox less than 85% will result in intubation; otherwise supplemental oxygenation with a ...


1

I really like writing hospital scenes. Can't help with the treatment, but from my experience there are two types of doctors: The sugarcoat These tend to have dialogue like "You'll be just fine!" and "It's not even that bad!" The honest one These people will tell it as it is, no doubt about it. They cut right to the point, and will not lie about the ...


1

I don't believe that one is preferred over the other or that you have to be consistent. However, I do believe that they signal something slightly different, at least in certain locales. In the England I grew up in, "says Max" signals that Max's interjection is unexpected or cheeky. It might be used where a child interjects something into an adult ...


4

Short answer: you can use whichever you want, and there's no need to be consistent. Long answer: you could, in theory, choose between them every time based on which works better — maybe if you really, really want to save the reveal of who's speaking until the last word for maximum punch — but honestly, I wouldn't overthink it. They're semantically identical,...



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