New answers tagged dialogue
One thing I would think about is: Are those things the other person says really unnecessary? They actually might give the reader valuable background information about what the other person already knows, and what that person considers normal (even though the reader may not) or extraordinatry (although it seems obvious to the reader). Compare the following ...
One addition to Lauren's list: If the history is interesting enough on its own, make the telling of the history a scene. End one scene with the storyteller launching into the story. Then put a scene break. Then put the story as told by the storyteller. This works better if you've already established a pattern of switching viewpoints from one scene to the ...
You can break up long stretches of dialogue with: Stage business (describing the person moving around, handling things, getting up and walking, sighing, laughing, eating, etc.) Reaction shots from the other person Bits of narrative describing what someone is thinking, either the speaker watching the listener or the listener reacting to the speaker It's ...
I think your first example is perfect, making sure that you drop out words from the speaker to indicate the passage of time as your foreground characters are talking "over" the speaker. It makes perfect sense to me as a reader what's occurring.
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