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Clothes could be important if the social standing of the character is relevant to the plot. Take this description of the heroine from my screenplay: "She dressed in Prada, her handbag is Coco Chanel, and her shoes were made by Jimmy Choo. She’s used to “the best.” The woman is one of few female partners in a professional firm in the late 20th century, and ...


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I think you really need to focus on those things that the friend can observe and then conclusions from those observations. This will likely make your descriptions concern the physical manifestations. Not "lust for blood" but maybe "behaving like a berserker" or "in a frenzy." What other odd things might the friend notice? And please don't rely on the "not ...


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Supporting Digital Dracula's excellent answer, don't be afraid to leave out details which have a long shelf life. Revulsion, for example, is not likely to leave your character in the moment he leaves the killing room. If your scene demands detailed and emotion-inducing descriptions, leave your character's emotions unspoken until a quieter, less word-bound ...


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I think this depends a lot on what you want to achieve. If, in your given example, you want to convey the feelings your MC experiences, you must be graphic or even gory. Parenthetically, as a vegetarian myself, I can totally empathize with such descriptions - but, trying to see the other side, you should try to visualize how they would make meat-eating ...


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I think the simplest way to achieve this is to say I drove past the stables and the servants' quarters, both empty I would personally avoid using a synonym like 'deserted' — functionally, you're just repeating 'empty', and most readers will notice. One question, though. It's not what you asked, but since you're recasting your sentence to mention that ...


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Simply choose another adjective: I drove past the empty stables and the deserted servant's quarters, and after another quarter mile I entered a very large circular driveway. Or break up the sentence so that you can group them together. Both the stables and the servant's quaters were empty as I drove by. After another quarter mile I entered a very ...


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You say that the reader also don't really know the character vampirism, so are you just going to jump from nothing to your climax, where his vampirism will be revealed ? I mean, I think a climax is efficient when it comes after a crescendo : some indications of the character vampirism, growing suspiscions from the part of his friend. I also think it ...


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If this doesn't help, sorry. I tried. Just don't dumb it down too much. The guy doesn't know what a vampire is, but he isn't a complete imbecile. The readers already know what a vampire is, no need to explain it to them. Also: how does his friend know he has a lust for blood, maybe he's just really violent? Don't imply it right at the start. Usually ...


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I have not been in any kind of trauma, but here we go. You said the protag. is in shock. There is a change they would experience "survivor's guilt"(If I'm reading this right). It happens when everyone else in the party dies and the patient doesn't. The patient then tends to think it's unfair, and that they should have gone as well. I probably didn't help at ...


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You said the scene was from the POV of the friend, who I am assuming doesn't know he's a vampire. Maybe instead of Red eyes and sharp teeth, you could describe something else. As for luster for bloof, maybe reword it? I'm pretty sure I didn't help at all, but,hey, I tried.


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I would hardly call myself an "experienced writer", but here we go. I feel like slow motion could be a good idea, but a lot of the time car crashes are very fast, and you can't really decipher what happens afterwards. So in conclusion, slow motion can be a good idea, just not in that specific scene.


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I have described the personalities of characters upfront before, but I also left that manuscript to die, so yeah. If you want to, you can have another character describe one or two traits, but I would let their actions (and if it's first person, their thoughts) describe the rest. Hope this helped!


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Not unless it drives the story forward. Do not describe every outfit the MC puts on, puh-lease! It gets annoying. If they're looking in a mirror, maybe, but otherwise I don't see a reason for it


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In looking at your excerpts, and granting for translation, I think the problem is that you start well and then add too much. You don't have to give all the details at once. If this is a person we never see again, secondary details don't matter; if your protagonist is interacting with the character, then there's time later in the scene to add more detail. ...


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In addition to Mike C. Ford's excellent suggestions, there is a secret technique, misunderstood but effective, known to all professional writers but divulged to few outsiders… Don't show, tell. "The city was founded by people from all over the world. Generations had gone by, but not so many that its people all looked the same." Job done!


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There are a number of solutions that I have for this, as I suffered from the same problem: Only describe what you need to Imagine trying to describe James Bond to someone. You could say that he is handsome, looks good in a suit, and has an athletic build. This could be enough to get a good image in the reader's head, and could describe any of the actors ...



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