12 of 14 Following advice

Do these starting paragraphs make you want to keep reading?

Update 1

OK, first, I'm not a native. So, what you do by instinct and a bit of research, I do by extensive research, including accents and dialog style.

I’m dead.

I was told I had a chance… that I should take a leap of fate.

Fate? Hhh… One wonders how I might be dead… But, wonder about this… I’m stuck in a future, yes, a future, to which I did not belong for reasons I could not understand. I neither knew my captors nor did I share their motives. I despised them. All of them. And I shall rip their hearts, one vein for everything they forced me to see.

My mind wouldn’t work without reason. The one time in my life I could do without reason… She… Huh… She allowed me to do so. Or rather denied me the choice. Honestly, I can't tell you who she really was… but you should find out soon enough… You've an advantage here, you see… You hadn't fell in love with your captor.

This is a world so strange to me. I can’t understand! Me! This means no one can.

My name's Adam.

Though not good news, this is your story.

For the past five decades, people and governments of the world lay down differences and conflicts, pursuing the dream of the Utopia to which we’ve always aspired. We still have a long path to take. But a sudden and unexpected ripple might be in its way to disturb the flow.

Are they rumors? Maybe a sudden awake of terrorists? Some say it is doom coming down from the sky; the end of the world. Others say it is coming from beneath the ground.

We weren’t able to reach any scientists to comment on the seismic activities in the South-Pole or the interference in communications for the past three days. Internationally, governments preferred to keep citizens in a deep state of information black-out. No one answered these questions. And we’ve asked international organizations, universities, private research companies… No one really knows what to ask.

NASA just announced that a press conference is to be held at the United Nations’ headquarters in New York at hour thirteen-hundred (13:00), Eastern-Time; eighteen-hundred (18:00) GMT. Until then, the only official word we’ve received does no better than reinforce the rumors, conspiracy, or whatever is happening; which the political system so far played catch up to hide.

One thing is certain, a change is occurring. A change that will add to a world’s history that remained peaceful for half a century.

I will be joining you in New York at ‘1 PM’ to cover the press conference NASA has announced. This is Elizabeth Blitz, WWN; reporting live from The White House; Washington D.C.

“Don’t trouble yourself with that,” Tana finally said. She’d been closely watching the broadcast; but not for the news that made it out. “You need rest. Just forget it.”

Adam smiled. “Why’s she on TV anyway?” He’s been heeding the picture on the wall, again not for any news. The bed he lay on was comfortable, but not enough to make his body like it. He tried to adjust his pose but pain shot through his spine; he gritted his teeth and let go.

“Mmm…” Tana was hesitant to reply. She remained silent as she headed for the projected control-display on the nearest wall. It’s not worth it at all. Not by any shot. She didn’t care what reason Adam would put into this, but she wasn’t going to be the one stressing him, opening Pandora’s box, on her son.

“Hh… Don’t think about it. It’s really nothing. She’d applied long ago and today they needed her,” she finally said. Then, pushed by her nature, she continued honestly, “With some of your friends too. They were given jobs… That’s all.”

Tana left the control-display and watched Adam closely; he stared blankly at the television projection still shining on the wall. It was never good when he didn't know something immediately. “Friends? An’ jobs?”

She took a deep breath. “OK, OK… After they rescued at the station, you were landed in New York.”

“Then what's she doing in D.C… Wait, America! What the—?” He tried to sit up again, his back and elbows almost sounding their complains. His mother quickly took hold and forced him into a more comfortable pose. He continued, commanding yet gentle in tone, but not yet wishing, “Don’t tell me they know. Please don’t.”

“OK, you know what? Just forget about it all. People have more important things to do. Rumors are the thing of the day… Every day, actually. And just a couple of here-says about a grand conspiracy in outer space won’t have their attention. Politicians have other things to hide, things that really matter to people now. I imagine if we told them of a school on the other side of the moon, they’d sue us for wasting their time.”

“You know it’s not just a school, mother.”

“Adam. If you didn’t do it, all of you would’ve… died,” she sat next to him and stroked his hair. Her hands trembled from the mere thought of losing him. “And you… You’re not supposed to worry about anything further. They got you into this and they’ll have to get you out. The jobs your friends received were actually a sort of gift; they got the jobs officially as prodigies. The last thing the UN wants is minors getting into the mix.”

“Hmm... Comforting!”

A moment of silence followed. The walls of the room were a pure white that, contrary to popular belief, didn’t help you relax at all; its brightness almost followed your eyes through their lids. There, far into the distance, sang a bird, just faintly. Adam knew there was more to it. He knew more. But his secrets are better kept in the dark. On the other hand, his mother didn't tell him if there were any injured or… dead. He'd done his best. He saved everyone he could; he couldn't save the big-men's money… they'll probably have him for it; telling him the building was for their benefit. But no one ever said they should have a school there, let alone for real minors at school-age. The only benefit he got away with was his trip to the hospital. In America.

The same reporter returned to the picture. This time the background was supposed to be a more soothing view of the country, possibly the gardens of The White House or a green land on the road. Elizabeth seemed very nervous, not transparently, but enough for Adam to notice. He watched, becoming increasingly worried, she can't be injured. After all this, it can't come down to her. She’s been tapping her palm with her index finger; maybe there’s more to it coming out.

This just in: The PHFO has issued a worldwide alert, advising everyone to evacuate Atlantic and Pacific coastal areas within three miles from the shore. I repeat, three miles offshore, the Pacific and the Atlantic coastal areas. We haven’t yet received any comment on this but you are advised to stay clear from the coast. Go to a safe-house further into land if you can. Local police forces will be available to help you. Although we are still waiting for official word from the White House, NASA, or really anything, it remains for now up to public decision, and prayers.

Repeatedly tapping her palm with her index finger, in rhythm, with something Adam knew. As he kept looking at the Elizabeth's picture projected on the wall, loud, erratic, footsteps came nearer and nearer. Her finger... A tick, a tock. One, and zero. 1011101-000-1010111-000-11101


“My god…”

31 days ago…

Does the opening tell you enough to make you want more without telling too much? Does it have enough suspense, with every line? Is it too long-winded?