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My cousin is giving birth to twins, and I am preparing the invitation cards.

I wrote

Twice as much love
Two blessings from above

Anthony a lovely boy
And Joya brings the joy

The glorified delivery
Is on the 17th of January

May their lives be filled with Love and laughter
And may God bless them with happiness forever

Obviously, I have to use certain keywords, like delivery and January, can the term glorified delivery be used to describe giving birth, is there a better term?

And is it "Okay" that the last 2 sentences are longer than the others?

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2 Answers 2

up vote 5 down vote accepted

It's a poem; you can say anything you want, and you can make the lines however long you'd like. Whether or not the end result will be perceived as inspirational or corny is another matter.

While it's true the invitation will need to contain certain information, I disagree with your assertion that you must "use certain keywords, like delivery." There are many ways to get the point across, without using the word delivery. For example:

The newborn twins will first be seen
On January seventeen

As for the varying lengths of the lines, I prefer consistency in that regard, particularly when there is rhyme involved. However, that's just my personal preference, and I don't think you'd be the first poet to end a poem with lines that stretch a little longer than the others. However, if you're trying to keep the poem consistent, and those lines are longer simply because you're forcing a rhyme, then I'd suggest working at it until your poem flowed a little more evenly. Just like in any other form of writing, the difference between a mediocre work and a very good work is often found in the amount of effort spent polishing and revising.

May God bless them ever after
Filled with hope and love and laughter

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your version is MUCH BETTER than mine! thank you, indeed i was trying to keep it consistent –  Fischer Jan 11 at 12:00
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The problem is that "glorified" is a sarcastic term. In means "wannabe" or "dressed up attempting to be something else."

If you put a big fancy necklace on a dog, it's a "glorified collar." The thing actually is a collar, but you're dressing it up to try to make it more than that.

A novel which has clearly been padded, stuffed, and overextended could be a "glorified novella." (So it should be a novella if you take the fat out.)

I would never read "glorified delivery" as "a delivery full of glory," which what you intended. A glorified delivery is when the Publishers Clearing House people show up with balloons and TV cameras and a band to hand you an envelope which the mail carrier would have done without all the fuss.

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actually thats why i asked the question, I'm not a native speaker, so when i was writing the poem, i wanted to say delivery full of glory and then glorified comes to mind, but when i read about it, i saw that it was a sarcastic term as you mentioned (can't say blessed, I already used the word blessings) so I brought the question here, thank you for your answer –  Fischer Jan 11 at 14:33
    
@Fischer consider gloriful –  hildred Jan 11 at 17:02
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@hildred or maybe the actual adjective, glorious. –  Lauren Ipsum Jan 11 at 17:25
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