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The sentence in question is:

As players move around the board, they buy, rent and sell properties from and to each other with each player trying to maximize his or her own wealth in a zero-sum game where everyone must lose in order for one player to win

...and I'm wondering if that is clear enough or too wordy.

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closed as off-topic by Neil Fein Nov 13 '13 at 6:00

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Requests to critique or rephrase short pieces of text are off-topic here. Can you provide context for this? If not, I'm afraid we'll have to close. (For example, what text surrounds this? Where is it being used?) –  Neil Fein Nov 12 '13 at 19:43

2 Answers 2

up vote 3 down vote accepted

Sentences always are too long when they're wordy. Lauren did a nice job of tightening the sentence and makes an excellent point about zero sum. Depending on the context, the sentence might be tighten even further:

"As players move around the board, they buy, rent and sell properties from and to each other, trying to maximize their wealth."

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ooh, I like yours better. :) Except I insist on the Oxford comma, but that's house style. –  Lauren Ipsum Nov 13 '13 at 10:55

Too long.

Let's add some commas and trim the redundancies:

As players move around the board, they buy, rent, and sell properties from and to each other, with each player trying to maximize his or her own wealth.

Not only does "zero-sum" actually mean "everyone must lose in order for one player to win," pretty much all board games intended for players out of preschool are zero-sum. It's kind of a given that you have one winner and everyone else loses.

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Thanks! Great feedback –  Shamoon Nov 12 '13 at 20:25

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