Take the 2-minute tour ×
Writers Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for authors, editors, reviewers, professional writers, and aspiring writers. It's 100% free, no registration required.

Hello guys I'm sending a prospective email to a venue, regarding an event that I want to organise. But I'm unsure of my approach in firstly asking the question (it sounds out of place), and just the general tone of the email. The email is as follows:-



To Whom It May Concern,

My name is _______ and I'm contacting you on behalf of [brand], a microblogging platform and social networking website which allows users to post multimedia and other content to a short-form blog.

Through brand exclusivity, discounts and freebies, we aim to engage our target market and attract them to our e-commerce store, and we feel your venue is perfectly aligned geographically and functionally to fulfil this.

With this in mind, are there any renting vacancies available in June 2014? If so, could we please speak to a representative to submit our full business proposal?

Thank you for your time. I look forward to your prompt and favourable reply. If you have any questions regarding this enquiry please contact me at _____ or by email at contact@andrew.com

Yours Faithfully,
Andrew

share|improve this question
    
    
To reduce oleaginuity, I'd mark out from “which allows users” through “this in mind” and from “If so, could” through “favourable reply”. –  jwpat7 Aug 6 '13 at 16:22
    
What's "oleanginuity" supposed to mean? –  foggyone Aug 6 '13 at 18:41
2  
@foggyone, oleaginuity (with no n before g) is supposed to mean how oleaginous something is. –  jwpat7 Aug 7 '13 at 16:08
    
Perfect word, then! –  foggyone Aug 10 '13 at 15:02

2 Answers 2

You sound like you're trying to seduce them -- all you want to know is whether they have availability for a booking of their facility.

Honestly, if I got an email like that I'd say "No" just based on my assessment that you're trying to be my best friend, not engage in a business transaction.

Dear Sir,

I represent ...., and we are looking for a venue for an event in [insert time period]. We would need the following facilities:

...

Can you please confirm what availability you have in this period that would be suitable, and a rate guide.

Regards, ...

share|improve this answer

To get the better idea and be more professional in your email, there are some tips that can be followed and points that can be taken into consideration.

  • Try to make your email personalized, interesting , eloquent and professional
  • Always proof read your email so as to rectify any grammatical errors.
  • Be appreciative for the fact that the person took time to read your email.
  • Formatting is most important

The Letter can be written like this :

Subject : Your brand name, day of the week, date and time for the event.

Hi there!!

My name is (Your name). and I am (explain about your firm or website for which you are scheduling the event).I am working on booking of our event ( explain about the event along with date, day and time).I hope that ( on this date , day and time ) your venue might be available.

In second paragraph, explain something about when your company was formed and what is it doing.Provide your website, social media links, review links so that the person is aware about you and your work.

Concluding paragraph : Thanks very much for taking some time from your busy schedule to read my email. Awaiting for your prompt and positive reply.

Thanks,

[Your Name,] [Company's Name] [Company's website] [Social media profile link]

A short and simple letter is available here : http://officewriting.com/request-letter-sample-%E2%80%93-availability-of-venue/

.

share|improve this answer

Your Answer

 
discard

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.