Minimalism has great virtue in modern writing. Modernists believe the world moves too fast to be reflected accurately by overly complicated writing.
Hemingway put the bare essentials on the page. He knew that a picture could tell an entire story, so why use more words than were necessary to create an image (a picture) in the reader's mind?
Raymond Carver advanced the concept. Imbue the image with implication, symbolism.
Now here is the challenge for you, the modern, sophisticated writer. The most artistic kind of symbolic implication is this: a characteristic of a simple object which reflects something meaningful to one of the characters in the story, even if the character in the story cannot see it for himself. The reader, however, is allowed to see the meaning of the symbol. This is dramatic irony.
A very difficult concept. Let me give you an example, and then I will bring this concept back around to your story. Stay with me.
In Richard Ford's story, Rock Springs, a small-time criminal (who never understands why he's always on the wrong side of the law) stops with vague intent at a mobile home, but behind the home is a mine, and it is lit up with hundreds of golden lights, so that it seems like some sort of promised land. He is dazzled and distracted. The image of the mine works on him in an almost mystical way, and the reader can see its effect, and how all this fellow really wants is his one chance at having something good in his life. He just doesn't know how to get it.
None of this is said out loud. It's all by implication. It's all in the symbolism of the lights in the towers of the mining structure.
So now you want to take your simple, direct prose, and make it just a little more complex, a little more interesting. Well, okay then. Mind you, you are on a good path already, but let's see if we can take you from Hemingway to Carver.
Cathy says, "I'll never forget you." Hmm. Well, gee. Let's look in the dictionary under "cliche." (See what I'm getting at?) So instead of this, let's make up something that is new, fresh, unique, and has a significant symbolic implication about her having "no future" with Tim. How about this?
He fished the tiny clip out of his pocket and pressed it into her hand. "This is yours."
She didn't even have to look. "It's the -- "
He nodded. "Hair clip. Skull. I replaced the eye."
She tried to smile. "It's the first thing you ever gave me."
He tried to smile. "Now it's the last."
"I'll be wearing it when I die."
"No, sorry. I didn't mean it that way. Just, I will, someday." She turned away and ran.
Just one of many, many, many possibilities. I hope this opens some doors in your mind.