Take the 2-minute tour ×
Writers Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for authors, editors, reviewers, professional writers, and aspiring writers. It's 100% free, no registration required.

We are designing brochures for attracting possible vendors to use our software platform to attract/retain their customers.

The kind of vendors here are the hardworking type, with not necessarily any high education. We need the brochures to only excite them to call us. We should be able to connect to their one big problem, getting customers, and the loyalty. How do they attract the right kind of customers, and how do they retain them.

We have mobile applications that can connect the drivers with customers directly. Our mobile application and platform will take their services out to customers, and help them build loyalty. I am trying to build a tag line that connects them. Should be short and should only excite.

Basically I am trying to say You have the drivers, metered taxi's, We have the software infrastructure and mobile applications to connect you to your customers.

These are just too many words, I need to get as little words to graphically fit this image. I need help to reduce this and still retain the meaning and attract the people who have drivers and metered taxis to read this brochure.

together

share|improve this question
1  
Requests to rephrase a single sentence are off-topic on this site. Can anyone think of how this could be edited into something on-topic? –  Neil Fein May 19 '13 at 21:49
    
In the interest of keeping the forum relevant, I have attempted to make the question on-topic. Let me know if I need to redo it again. Will be glad to. –  Siddharth May 20 '13 at 3:13
    
Please dont vote me down, I have flagged it for moderator attention for deletion. –  Siddharth May 20 '13 at 8:08
1  
@Siddharth, since the question already has an answer we're not supposed to delete, but you can disassociate it from your account if you want. If you do that, you'll have no further ownership of the question. Use the "contact" link at the bottom of the page; that's something that has to be done by SE staff (mods can't do it). –  Monica Cellio May 20 '13 at 13:03
add comment

closed as too localized by Standback May 20 '13 at 14:03

This question is unlikely to help any future visitors; it is only relevant to a small geographic area, a specific moment in time, or an extraordinarily narrow situation that is not generally applicable to the worldwide audience of the internet. For help making this question more broadly applicable, visit the help center.If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

1 Answer

up vote 1 down vote accepted

You say, "too many words." Too many for what?

Do your customers have any insight that what they lack is software infrastructure and mobile applications specifically? Or do they seek only some way to connect?

If they don't care specifically about infrastructure and apps, try:

You have the drivers, metered taxi's, We have the technology to connect you to your customers.

The more abstract "technology" seems punchier to me, though less specific. It shifts the focus to connecting, and away from the specifics of how you will help them connect.

share|improve this answer
    
Yup, this works for me. –  Siddharth May 20 '13 at 3:06
add comment

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.