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Alex look around the room, it's almost empty except few small empty boxes and few clothes.

Alex look around the room. It's almost empty except few small empty boxes and few clothes.

Alex look around the room. The room is almost empty except few small empty boxes and few clothes.

Which one of these good for creative writing like story writing? I want the sentences to flow like fluid. If I choose first one(1), is it acceptable? In third sentence I'm re-referring the object of the first sentence again as subject in the second sentence. I do the same things in second but not using the direct word "the room" but I use "it".

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closed as off topic by Jed Oliver, Neil Fein May 28 '13 at 5:11

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When you asked this in ELU (Writing style — comma, period and re-referring the object of the first sentence again as subject in second sentence) I wrote: Many readers will be so put off by the incorrect grammar and wording of the three examples that they will not concern themselves with whether the words "flow". Examples: subject-verb number disagreement, missing prepositions, missing articles. –  jwpat7 May 5 '13 at 19:03
    
As per our FAQ, grammar is off-topic here. Also, questions looking to critique very small pieces of text are clearly off-topic. Closing. –  Neil Fein May 28 '13 at 5:12
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2 Answers 2

up vote 2 down vote accepted

Your first example is a not a grammatical sentence. It is a comma splice. It uses a comma to join two independent clauses.

Your third example uses repetition. Repetition serves to emphasize the thing that's repeated. It also introduces a kind of rhythm into the sentence.

Repetition is grammatically acceptable. Whether it's a good idea depends on whether you like the resulting emphasis and rhythm. I don't think "the room" is important enough to warrant the emphasis, but that may depend on what comes before or after these sentences.

Here is another way to structure the two sentences:

Alex looks around. The room is almost empty...

Because the second sentence immediately follows the first, the reader will make the connection.

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I like your fourth way (Alex looks around. The room is almost empty...). Thanks for that. But isn't comma splice is acceptable in screenplay in order to make the sentence to flow. –  user5126 May 5 '13 at 18:49
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I normally use repetitions when I want to emphasize something. Use repetitions in those examples, for me, would not be a good practice.

Just as an example.

  • I thought about it. I thought about it deeply, and realized it was not the way.

In your example phrases, I would go for something like Dale suggested.

  • Alex looks around. The room is almost empty...
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