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I'm not sure if I am being too overly critical of what I write or if I am actually falling into that "He/She" echo. By that I mean, using "he" or "she" over and over during the action, or combat in this case.


Loki half ran, half skid across the slick ice, trying to catch up. More of the giants were closing in around her, obviously angered by the sight of their fallen friend. He slid by one and worked his fingers into the strange mesh they all wore. He scaled the beast as if it were a tree, then he plunged his blades into what he hoped was its neck.

It howled in pain and tried to swat him away, Loki was relentless, stabbing repeatedly. Thick red blood soaked through the mesh, and dripped down the beasts back. Its breathing began to slow, and its thrashing became sluggish. With a shallow groan the giant fell to its knees; Loki jumped.

He landed on its closest neighbor’s heavy arm, and dug his blades in deep to keep from slipping off. The creature raised its other and attempted to swat him away like a common insect. Loki grabbed a hold of long vine attached to its back, and swung. He slashed his way cross the small of its back. A large hole opened in both its mesh and its flesh.

The giant hit the ground hard, sending a spray of ice in all directions. Loki glanced around trying to spot Takira in the fray. The wind had picked up during the fight, blowing steady streams of snow off the ice above. Snowflakes steadily adhered themselves the lenses of his hood. Where is she? He though, as panic had taken hold. Desperately he wiped at his lenses, There!

He had spotted her not far ahead; a giant pulled her leg. She slid unresistingly over the ice. The wind piled snow along her limp arms and side as the giant drug her closer to a large cave in the ice wall.

I hope this works… He thought as he cut a long strip of mesh away from the dead giant at his feet. He ran over the creature, and lept, desperately he tried to keep his balance in the wind and slick ice. Sliding forward he grabbed the rifle Thor, “Thor, do what ever you did to kill those apes!” He wished there was another way; however, he was willing to sacrifice his pride in order to rescue Takira.


For that matter am I using names too often? It was fine as I was writing it and then I printed it off to do a general read thing and it's like every single "he" pops out at me now. So I figured it couldn't hurt to ask and see if it's just me.

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2 Answers 2

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The sheer number of pronouns did not bother me as I read. My only pronoun problem was with the first paragraph, where your pronouns (she, he, and they) are plenteous enough and far enough away from their nouns to become a bit confusing. I would advise replacing the first paragraph "they" with a noun of some kind, preferably a word that lets you avoid using "giants" again. Actually, I would do the same for "one," as well.

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That is another of my issues, i feel like I'm using "Giants" far too often but I'm not really sure what else i could use. I read through the excerpt a good four times before i found the "one" you referred to... kind of made me laugh. Anyway thanks for the tips i will be sure change those around. –  Lokiie1984 Feb 16 '13 at 3:54

As long as it is clear to the reader to whom the pronoun is referring, repeated usage of he/she/they is okay. I like to occasionally return to specifically identifying who is doing what before resuming non-specific pronouns so that the reader continually understands who I'm referring to.

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Agreed. Do you think there's a good balance in the text Lokiie1984 posted between proper names and pronouns? –  Neil Fein Mar 20 '13 at 3:55

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