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I really need someone to critique this poem for me. It's for a Poem Portfolio in my Creative Writing Class. I just need some help on where to include things like imagery, sensory details, similes, metaphors, etc. I would super appreciate if anyone could help me!

Rock Collection

It's not like I ever wanted,
all of these rocks.
I just don't love him like I used to,
and now I'm stuck with them.
I wish I could get rid of them,
stupid rocks.
Keep me up at night,
wear me down by day.
These rocks are killing me.
Why can't I just leave them behind?
Just set them on the ground,
Leave them and never come back.
I just can't though,
no matter how hard I try.
Why can't I just love him?
Love him the way I used to.

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Welcome to Writers.SE. Works to be critiqued need to have specific questions, as per our FAQ. Do you have specific concerns about the poem? –  Neil Fein Dec 10 '12 at 23:24
    
I like "stupid rocks." –  Aerovistae Dec 11 '12 at 3:43
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closed as off topic by John Smithers, Monica Cellio, Neil Fein Dec 29 '12 at 11:45

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1 Answer

I think part of the problem is that this poem seems devoid of meaningful content, although I certainly might be missing something. It seems like a bunch of phrases into which you've thrown the word "rocks", and then there is some guy you used to love in a different way. I don't think that any sort of imagery, no matter how seductive, will cure the failure of this poem to draw any connection between the guy you used to love (differently), and the rocks. What are the rocks doing in this poem?

I will tell you right off that I'm not much of a poet, though I've never tried at it much. I know it's difficult. Still, I tend to subscribe to the feelings of Stephen King, expressed in "On Writing": you should be able to fully explain your rationale for whatever you've put into a poem. Can you do that?

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