Does this flow nicely? [closed]

Question

I've started this short story. In essence past this part it's a conversation this intro is to just sort of "set the stage". Does it work? if not what sort of revisions should be made?

Man is an amazing creature he has the ability to create incredible cities in the middle of nowhere. What’s more amazing man will then go on to forget that the city he had built was in fact in the middle of nowhere. But every now and then, you will find a place where one is reminded that this densely populated city used to be forest, or desert. One such place was the Yeshiva wherein our story takes place.

The Yeshiva used to be a monastery, and it looked the part. It was made up of three beige stone buildings looking out over woods. Our story is about two boys who were on the one roof that was accessible. It belonged to the building furthest back from the entrance to the grounds. All that you could see from it was the other buildings behind you, and ahead nothing but woods. It was overlooking this view that our story takes place.

Answer 1

It doesn't work for me at all, starting with the fact that every sentence in the first paragraph has a mistake. You have a very "meta" voice introducing your story, and unless there's a reason for it later, it's frankly grating.

Do you intend that your narrator will continue to be part of the story, addressing the reader? Will there be an "I" to this voice at some point? Will the "you" of the reader actually be drawn into the story or invited to participate somehow, or do something at the end with the moral of the tale?

Is this a myth? Is there a reason to keep drawing attention to "our story" as a story?

The second paragraph establishing the physical setting is very clunky, other than that quite lovely first sentence. You are doing what's called "telling, not showing." It almost reads like stage directions.