Disclaimer: I'm not an native English speaker
Here is the first part of a short novel I'm writing. For the description I wanted the reader to have an idea of the place first and then let him know that there is people in there (and that they are alone).
The darkness made the bar look bigger than it was. A flickering neon sign was barely illuminating the place. Sitting in the bar, a young man and a girl were having their drinks. There was no other human presence around.
"I think you need a refill," he said, pointing her glass with his.
She looked at it, then around. "I don't see the bartender."
"No problem," he said. "I can mix something for you."
He grabbed her glass, stood up, and walked towards the liquor shelf. Before she could say anything, he was already behind the bar.
"Ask for any drink you want," he said.
She shook her head while smiling at him. "The one you know best."
"Got it." He went through the variety of bottles as if examining animal specimens.
He finally decided for a black bottle.
"Can I talk about a thought that is making me feel lonely?" he asked while searching for a glass. "Hope you don't find it weird."
I would like to know if this will grab the reader's attention. I would also like to know how can I improve it. Thanks in advance!