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How can I ask my English teacher for the results of an exam?

I came up with the following text, but I am not satisfied with the result. The more polite the better. Are the commas placed correctly? Do you write a dot after the title "Ms"?

Dear Ms XXX,

On 12th January, I wrote the XXX exam. Consequently, I would like to ask you to provide me with my result. Thank you very much for your reply.

Yours sincerely,

Name

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2 Answers 2

I assume this is for an e-mail rather than a snail mail letter. In that case, you can probably leave off the "dear" and "yours sincerely." More importantly, your opening sentence is fine, but after that, the message gets a bit stiff. You're trying too hard, and it shows nervousness. I would tone down the formality and say:

"On 12th January, I wrote the XXX exam. I'd appreciate it if you would let me know my results, or if they aren't available, when I might expect them. Thank you."

I hope you get those exam results. Two months is entirely too long to wait!

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2  
I wouldn't leave off "dear" and "sincerely". Not if I write to people I barely know. –  John Smithers Mar 15 '11 at 14:31
    
I would think people you don't know well would be the very ones not to call "dear." ;) Seriously, though, I think a courtesy title (Mr/Ms/Prof/Dr) should be fine, although it shouldn't hurt to use "dear" if you're in doubt. –  Kelly C Hess Mar 16 '11 at 1:54
  • You do need a dot after "Ms".
  • Also (in US anyway) we say "I took an exam" not "I wrote an exam", but not sure if that's a UK vs. US thing.
  • You say "On January 12th" or "On the 12th of January", not "On 12th January".

It comes off as a bit impolite/impersonal though.. a bit stilted. This might be smoother:

Dear Ms. XXX,

I took the XXX exam on January 12th, and was wondering if the results were available yet. I'm interested in knowing how well I did. If so, could you let me know where I can find my result, or let me know what it was? If not, do you know when the results might be available?

Thank you in advance,

- Name

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1  
"On 12 January" is acceptable in Europe, just FYI. –  waiwai933 Mar 14 '11 at 21:38
3  
In the UK, they do not put a period after titles like "Mr". –  Kosmonaut Mar 15 '11 at 1:10
    
Obviously you inserted the second sentence at a later time. "If so" makes sense after "if the results were available yet", but not after "interested in knowing how well I did". Either drop the "I'm interested" sentence, or drop the if so: "I am interested in knowing how well I did. Could you let me know...". (Theoretically, you could also reword with a whether, "I am interested in knowing whether I did well. If so,..", but that doesn't quite cut it, as he is asking for the results whether or not they are good.) –  RegDwight Mar 15 '11 at 10:49

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