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How can I ask my English teacher for the results of an exam?

I came up with the following text, but I am not satisfied with the result. The more polite the better. Are the commas placed correctly? Do you write a dot after the title "Ms"?

Dear Ms XXX,

On 12th January, I wrote the XXX exam. Consequently, I would like to ask you to provide me with my result. Thank you very much for your reply.

Yours sincerely,

Name

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1 Answer 1

I assume this is for an e-mail rather than a snail mail letter. In that case, you can probably leave off the "dear" and "yours sincerely." More importantly, your opening sentence is fine, but after that, the message gets a bit stiff. You're trying too hard, and it shows nervousness. I would tone down the formality and say:

"On 12th January, I wrote the XXX exam. I'd appreciate it if you would let me know my results, or if they aren't available, when I might expect them. Thank you."

I hope you get those exam results. Two months is entirely too long to wait!

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I wouldn't leave off "dear" and "sincerely". Not if I write to people I barely know. –  John Smithers Mar 15 '11 at 14:31
    
I would think people you don't know well would be the very ones not to call "dear." ;) Seriously, though, I think a courtesy title (Mr/Ms/Prof/Dr) should be fine, although it shouldn't hurt to use "dear" if you're in doubt. –  Kelly C Hess Mar 16 '11 at 1:54