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Those days mining in the depth of the earth of West Virginia have pushed out the flamy spring that had lain dormant deep beneath since my first day on Earth.

Does this convey the image of a spring of flame pushed out of my heart into open air, overflowing like a spring flowing along the mountainside, hillside or whatever slopes down: a sign of passion now active and ready to take on whatever the world throws at me?

Also, what about the style, grammar?

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Please note that Writers.SE won't help you with grammar. (Probably not with style either, unless you have a very specific question - it's just too vague and subjective for blanket "please give me feedback" to produce good, meaningful answers within the Q&A format.) –  Standback Jul 29 at 6:18

3 Answers 3

There's a contradiction in the visual imagery. "Flame" and "spring" are not very compatible as metaphors for emotion. A spring is not generally a very fierce body of water, unlike a raging river or a maelstrom or whatnot. Visualizing a spring erupting is a little odd, to me. I could see a bubbling spring of cool, fresh water being contrasted with a steaming geiser as metaphors for different types of love. As it stands, though, the narrator sounds confused about both love and geology.

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Agreed, geyser or fountain would be more appropriate here. –  Malcolm Jul 28 at 16:12

No, my first read, I thought the spring was a real spring in the Earth, like a geiser, because right before you're talking about real mining. Maybe try something like:

Those days mining in the depths of West Virginia have released the flamy springs that had lain dormant in me since my first day on Earth.

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Like @elburz, I also thought the spring was a real spring in the earth. However, the real point of confusion for me was that I would not readily identify a "flamy spring... dormant in me" as a sign of overflowing passion. I feel to properly get this idea across, more elaboration would be needed, a la:

Those days mining in the depths of West Virginia have released something that had lain dormant in me since my first day on Earth. Like a spring of flame, it leaped out of my heart into the mountain air, invigorating the world and filling it with passion.

Okay, so the last phrase is pure invention and you could definitely say it better, but you get the idea. I made the first sentence focus on the release of the feeling, and the second sentence focus on the feeling itself. The last phrase is meant to describe some specifics of how the feeling is transforming your view of the world.

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