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I peered through the glass.

It was a bird. At first I thought it was a crow because of its black feathers; they were so black they shone in the moonlight like a pair of sword blades. However, after looking at it keenly, I realized it wasn't. First, its beak wasn't that big. The beak of a crow was thick and long, as if it were an extension of its face. The beak of this bird, on the other hand, was almost as small as a needle. Also, unlike the angry eyes of a crow, this bird's were round and expressionless. They didn't convey any feeling—just pure, indifference void. The most noticeable feature, though, was a yellow spot on each wing. They looked like the rank badges that officials wear on their shoulders.

As you can see I repeat The X of the crow...and X of the bird twice.

Is the repetition above unnecessary? Should I use another phrasing instead?

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1 Answer 1

up vote 1 down vote accepted

Yes, that repetition is unnecsssary. No, you do not necessarily need to change it.

Parallel construction is a valuable tool and can make your paragraph easier to read, especially if you're including a comparison as in this narrative.

You may want to adjust your other comparisons so that they all have similar structures, but doing so is purely a stylistic choice.


On an un-related note, you should standardize your tense. You switch between past and present too quickly. ("realize" should be "realized", for instance.)

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Oh, that was a typo. Thanks for noticing. –  Alexandro Chen Feb 19 at 14:31

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