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I will shortly be moving to another a role within the same organisation and was wondering if you could advise on how I could improve the language and structure of this farewell email. It seems a bit drawn out at the moment and I'd like it to retain the sincerity yet exude a sharpness that will create future opportunities by extending bridges.

Dear all,

As many of you know, today is my last day with compliance. Through this farewell email, I wanted to thank you for your continued support and guidance. During the last six months, I have had the privilege to work with genuinely talented people like yourself, who have helped me grow both personally and professionally.

With my first rotation drawing to a close, I look back with pleasure on everything that we have accomplished together. I only hope that I find in my new role a fraction of the encouragement, gratitude and opportunities that I have found here.

I have really enjoyed my time and will miss working with you all. I owe you an enormous debt of gratitude and I wish each one of you, the very best in all your future endeavours, both professional and personal. Thanks again for everything.

Regards

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I just had a thought: is this on topic? –  martin f Jan 17 at 6:34
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up vote 2 down vote accepted

It's a bit gushing but I guess that's your style. It looks good -- you don't really need help with writing. Except

  • Capitalize "Compliance" if it's a department name.
  • Replace "talented people like yourself," with "talented people," -- they know you're addressing them.
  • Replace "I only hope that I find in my new role a fraction of the encouragement" with "I hope that I find in my new role the encouragement" -- toning it down a notch.
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Thanks - what do you mean by gushing? –  methuselah Jan 17 at 7:17
    
gushing (adjective) ▸expressing admiration or pleasure with so much enthusiasm that people think you are not sincere <onelook.com/?w=gushing&ls=a>; –  martin f Jan 17 at 7:21
    
Ok thanks - any advice on how I could make it more sincere? –  methuselah Jan 17 at 7:23
    
I added 3rd item. It doesn't make it more sincere, just sound less "over-the-top". –  martin f Jan 17 at 7:27
    
Thanks again - this is my first farewell email, a bit difficult to pen –  methuselah Jan 17 at 7:41
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